So I'm sitting here thinking “what could you possibly want to know about me?” I'm not sure where to start and, quite frankly, a little scared. Oh well, gotta start somewhere.
So how did I get here—I mean to the point of being a energy healing practitioner? I guess I would have to say that it came from my desire to walk a path of recovery rather than addiction. I explored several paths before finding out about energy healing and believing that it wasn't evil, that it actually worked no matter if I believed it would, and that I just might be capable of doing this work for myself and others.
Some of the career paths I explored included working jobs straight out of high school and believing that I could be successful and self-supporting without a college degree. I guess I was somewhat successful doing that. I got in with a medical products manufacturing company working in the clean-room, then the warehouse, and eventually into doing clerical work within production and inventory control. I also got more involved in using both legal and illegal substances to change the way I felt. I was able to hold everything together for a while, but eventually my use of substances became more important than anything else in my life. Unmanagability started to manifest itself in several ways, including being late to work or not showing up at all, the inability to control my using, a complete lack of self-esteem or self-worth and along with it, much isolation.
I learned about the employee assistance program at work and how it could possibly help me with my drug problem. I took advantage of it and found myself in rehab for a month and was able to return back to my job and the trailer I called home. Rehab had taught me about 12-step meetings and how I needed to integrate these into my life in order to stay free from substance abuse. I found a meeting that I went to every day, found a sponsor and started working the steps. I got through the first three and continued celebrating longer increments of clean-time and managed to get a year free from using. Fear of the rest of the steps led me to justify that I didn't need to work them. I thought I had my addiction under control—I mean, I got a year, right?
I had gotten into a romantic relationship during that year and it was with someone who was still abusing substances. I told myself that I could just be around it without giving in to using it myself. Turns out I was very wrong. I was off and running again. The relationship went on for a couple of years and then I decided I had to get out of there. At this point, I had already sold my trailer and had no job. No unmanagability there right? What a joke but I didn't see it. I called my brother with my tail between my legs and he and his wife allowed me to move in with them, find a job and start getting my life together again.
At this point I was about ten years out of high-school. I had thrown away the best job I had ever had and found myself starting over. Lower pay and no place I could call my own. I decided that maybe college wasn't such a bad idea after all. I made a phone call to my dad to see if he might be able to help. This was a huge dose of humiliation for me since I had refused to ask for his help with anything for the last ten years. I was going to prove to him that I was worth something and that I could do it all on my own. That would make him love me! I was so angry at him because he didn't love me. He loved my brother that did everything right and I was a reject!
I need to clarify that this is all my perception at the time. None of these statements have any validity today. They were my reality because I believed they were true. My self-centeredness led me to blame my brother, my dad and everything else but me for the shame that I felt and the feelings of never being good enough.
So I humbled myself to ask dad for help. He offered free room & board while I went to school. I could work a part-time job and do school part-time. The next nine years of my life became a quest for a college degree. That little piece of paper that would make me acceptable to employers and finally earn the love of my dad. It would be enough to give me the validation I wanted so I didn't feel ashamed of everything I had done in my life so far.
I got a decent job as a junior developer while I was still working toward finishing my bachelor's in computer science. I got an even better job fixing software glitches in computer video card display drivers. I got a house for the first time ever. I got downsized after the September 11th attacks. On unemployment for the first time. Doing school full-time to finish up my degree. Alcohol became my long-lost friend, but just on weekends. “Maybe I should work for myself!” Did Primerica for a while—didn't work. Did Herbalife for a while—didn't work. Finally found another job in the software industry. It was software quality assurance instead of development. Didn't really want it but felt I had to. Unemployment wasn't enough to pay my bills and dad was getting tired of supplementing my income.
While working there I came across a book called “Rich Dad-Poor Dad” by Robert Kiyosaki and it revolutionized my thinking. It really got me in the mode of wanting to own my own business again. I remember thinking “If I just do what he did, I'll be as successful as he was.” Maxed-out my credit cards to take classes so I could be a private real estate investor. I ended up with a run-down duplex in a poor area of town and wanted to believe it was a good investment. Couldn't keep tenants that would pay rent. Bills piled up and drinking became a daily routine. It was the only way I could keep numb from feeling despair. Go to work, go to the liquor store, go home and drink. Repeat. More unmanagability and a downward spiral. Finally made it to rehab again.
Ended up losing the job and back on unemployment. Focused on recovery. Started studying the law of attraction. Eventually read a book by Leslie Householder, “The Jackrabbit Factor.” Bought and studied more of her materials and she mentioned a technique that could help me with many of the things I struggled with. Anger, addictions, anxiety, depression and fears to name a few. It was called “Emotional Freedom Techniques” or EFT for short. I tried it but really didn't know if it was working for me. Then ran across a note from Leslie of a method she found that worked better and quicker. This method was Calyco healing, a modality of energy healing. I really felt like this would be a great supplement to my step work in recovery and found somebody to work on me. I felt like it was working to clear up some of my issues but I really wanted to be able to do energy work on myself whenever I wanted.
I researched Calyco healing and found that Carolyn Cooper offered classes on how to do it. I took the basics course and it taught me how to clear my chakras among other things. It was a prerequisite to taking the intensive training course on how to do the full method. At some point, Carolyn decided to rename Calyco healing to SimplyHealed and this is the method that I learned in the intensive and I use today.
Backing up a bit, I wanted to take the intensive training course after the basics course and looked on her website to sign up for it. I couldn't find it anywhere and so I figured that she was no longer doing classes and I had missed out. I put the idea on the back burner. At the time I was working for a pharmacy delivering meds to nursing homes and assisted living facilities. I really wanted to leave the job and the only thing keeping me from leaving was two weeks of vacation time that I had saved up. I decided to use it up so that I could leave the job. So I requested the time off around a concert I wanted to see. About a week later, Carolyn posted on her fanpage that she had a few openings left for her next intensive training course, the one I had given up on taking since I thought she no longer offered it. I clicked the link and found that it would be happening during the time period I had already booked for my vacation time. I had received a tax refund around the same time so I had the money to pay for the travel, hotel and training. This was too good to be true, yet it was true!
I really feel like the Divine stepped in and made it all possible to get me the training I needed to help myself and others with energy work. Again, I look at it as an extension of my recovery rather than a replacement for it.
How has it helped me? I no longer suffer from low self-worth. It has given me the courage to share details of things I used to be ashamed of without the fear of being rejected. I no longer have to chase money. Opportunities to make money seem to unfold before me just when I need to make some extra cash. I live in gratitude, joy, hope, faith and trust. I have the ability to walk in courage instead of running from fear. I feel good enough today.